


annoyance (at) injury - a collection

by glowingjellyfishtreelights



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Humor, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Non-graphic injuries, Oops?, legend's a creaky old man, or tragic injury scenes, so she didn't try, the author can't write serious angst to save her life, time loves his wife so much, wild gets amnesia again, wind's a little gremlin and I will not change my mind on this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowingjellyfishtreelights/pseuds/glowingjellyfishtreelights
Summary: A series of injuries really not being regarded with proper seriousness.
Comments: 119
Kudos: 527





	1. Amnesia (Wild)

“Okay, but this has to be, like, a statistical impossibility or something.”

“I mean, there’s nothing _saying_ that someone can’t get amnesia twice in their lifetime-”

“You know, none of this is helping? At all?”

“Most people will never be _that_ unlucky. Even one of _us_ shouldn’t be able to get that unlucky unless divine intervention is involved.”

“... I hate that that’s _actually_ a completely rational possibility in our lives enough that I’m seriously wondering if we _actually_ need to blame some deity out there for this.”

“Guys, can we _please_ stop wondering about the _how_ and try to figure out how to fix this instead? Please?”

“I know- we blame Ganon.”

“... Why Ganon?”

“Because when _isn’t_ it Ganon?”

Link would really like for all the people standing around arguing to do a little less of that and a little more telling him about what was going on, now, please.

The boy balanced in a crouch in front of him grimaced over his shoulder as, yet again, the few voices that were trying to get the rest onto a more productive track completely failed to do so. With a sigh, he shifted to sit cross-legged, running a hand through fluffy brown hair.

“Sorry about this,” he said- actually looking at him instead of talking over his head, which was what pretty much all of the past ten minutes had been filled with after he woke up surrounded by strangers. “I know this is all really confusing, but I promise once all… _this-”_ he made a vague motion in the direction of the argument now centered around… purple bats…? “-has died down, we’ll try to clarify some things for you. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Link picked at the edge of the cloth strips wrapped neatly around one of his wrists, watching the other boy out the corner of his eye. Clarification would be nice. Clarification would be _great,_ actually, but he wasn’t so sure he would trust what was being offered. These people seemed to know who he was, which was more than he got from the strange old man, but how would he know if what they would tell him would be true or not?

Not that he had much of a choice but to take anything they offered him. Not much else he could do, in this strange place, when the last thing he remembered was _finally_ finding and clearing the last shrine the strange old man had sent him chasing after, and then everything cut right off and the next thing he knew he was waking up flat on his back, surrounded by eight strangers, wearing clothes that weren’t too small and falling apart but actually _fit_ him and suddenly gaining about an extra foot of hair. Which was actually really heavy. Who knew that hair could be so heavy?

He's too out of his depth. He doesn't know how things work, right now- it's taken him this long just to get a handle on the Great Plateau. It's like stumbling out of the shrine into the sunlight for the first time all over again. 

Of course- It suddenly occurs to Link- following that thought, actually, for as long as he can remember, he’s absolutely never had any idea what’s going on at any given time, so _technically_ speaking, he's not actually any worse off than he already was? He thinks? Unless these people want to kill him, but he kind of gets the feeling that's not actually something he needs to worry about. He thinks. He hopes?

“-Okay, but what about _mind magic._ Because I know a few people that could do it- _could_ because they’re dead now, but-”

“Wait, why are they dead?”

“Because I had to fight them? Keep up with the conversation, Farmhand.”

“W- Okay, no, that’s not even the point- how did we even get on this topic?”

… Wow. They were still going at it.

The other boy buried his head in his hands, quietly groaning. “Hylia’s Chosen Heroes, everyone,” he mumbled under his breath, barely audible, and Link’s ears twitched. That seemed… Familiar. Somehow. Maybe not in a good way, because he kind of felt like he should grab his stick and sort of run into the woods as fast as he could. Like trying to outrun a bokoblin. But outrunning words instead, which he thinks would either be a lot easier, or a lot harder. Depending on if the person attached to those words decides to chase him too, really.

Except there were no sticks here, only swords. Very shiny swords. Swords without any rust on them whatsoever. Which seemed very backwards, actually. Link wasn’t sure of a lot in his life, but he _was_ almost completely sure that sticks normally outnumbered swords in a typical forest clearing. 

Of course, he could be completely wrong. He thought rocks were only ever just rocks, too, before a bunch of _very big_ rocks got very angry and tried to smash him into a paste. And that dumping apples directly in the middle of a fire was how you cooked them. And that eating peppers raw would keep him just as warm as a bowl of steaming fish soup.

He was wrong on all accounts. So yes, he could be wrong here, too. Wherever here was. 

“Okay, no. Stop, we all need to stop and- Old man! Old man, help me out here, please-”

“-I mean, I know of one sorceress- she might count as two, but probably not anymore?”

“ _How-”_

A sharp whistle pierced the air and stabbed all the way down into Link’s skull, sending him frantically scrabbling to cover his ears. The boy next to him yelped, slamming his hands over his own ears, which also didn’t help the blossoming pain in his skull _at all._

“Alright, we need to settle down and figure out what to do, now,” someone said, very, very muffled because Link was not lifting his hands, uh-uh, no way. “Did anyone actually _see_ what happened, or-”

“ _Hey_ ,” the boy beside him said sharply, and Link barely opened one eye to squint at him- when did he close them? Why did his head _hurt_ so much? “Maybe we should _all_ sit down and try and fill in the gaps of what happened? Not just for us, but also for the person over here who _doesn’t know what’s going on at all right now?_ ”

With sudden foreboding, Link forced both his eyes open, glancing quickly at the location he last saw the knot of bickering people.

And found that there were now entirely too many eyes looking directly at him for his comfort.

… Maybe it still wasn't too late to grab one of those swords and run?

______________________________ 

Three months later, Wild slams open the door to the small inn room they were renting to wait out the storm- completely disregarding the multiple swordpoints directed his way by multiple jumpy swordsmen- and, dripping wet, absolutely indignant, said: “You argued for _fifteen minutes_ about what was to blame for my second round with amnesia when I was sitting there with a _head wound?_ ”

There was a sudden, deeply embarrassed silence.

“... In our defense, head wounds don’t normally _do_ much to you?” Warriors attempted weakly, avoiding all eye contact. Time coughed, carefully looking out the window at the sheeting rain. “I mean… you’ve been knocked out before, but…”

Wild, with visible restraint, stripped off his sodden cape and laid it across the back of a rickety chair. “The next time,” he said, entirely too calmly to be genuine, “that I get whacked in the head and lose my memories, for Hylia’s sake, _just tell me to check my album and notes on the Sheikah slate._ If that doesn’t jostle the memories loose, at least I’ll have _somewhat_ caught up with what’s happened from the last point I remember.” That said, flipping the slate on, he turned on his heel and left the room, muttering about soup.

It took a moment.

“Wait- does this mean your memories are back?!” Wind yelped, scrambling to his feet and running after their retreating companion. “Hey, wait up!” Twilight and Hyrule were quick to follow, almost trampling Four in their rush, much to his displeasure.

No one in the room spoke until the sounds of their chase had completely faded.

Very, very slowly, Warrior made eye contact with Time. Time rubbed at his forehead.

“I think,” Four said casually, as though making a simple observation, “We’ve all spent a little too much time dealing with magically-caused misfortune than is good for us.”

Time sighed. “Unfortunately, it seems so.”


	2. Arthritis (Legend)

While everyone liked to joke that Time was the old man of the lot, if any of them had the body for it, it was Legend.

Popping joints, old achy injuries, and limbs that just didn’t want to move in certain ways might have been the norm for them all, but six adventures left Legend a little more creaky than the rest of them. Months of travelling together had taught them all what to expect when they had to camp in places where the nights got cold.

Legend, in a Mood.

Legend, in a Mood, knew what was coming and preemptively hated every second. Legend once threatened to sleep in the firepit, after a full week in which they were all stuck traipsing through a snowy hellscape in Wild’s world.

Legend did not appreciate having to take the time to coax his various limbs into movement after a night where the cold soaks right in to the bones. Legend did not enjoy having to warm up and force into movement his various swollen, aching joints, that had apparently decided years after the fact that no, actually, they  _ did _ think they hated what he’d put them through and needed to pay.

Legend has caught his sleeve on fire before while trying to warm up his hand enough that he can force them to curl around the grip of his sword.

He did not care.

Legend would rather be stuck running around  _ active volcanoes  _ than spend another moment in this Goddess-cursed-

“ _ We get it already, you hate the cold!” _

“Hate’s not strong enough of a word,” Legend huffed, moving his hands dangerously close to the flames, trying to force his fingers to flex. The stiffened, aching joints protested- but protested less than they were the last time he tried.

This time, at least, he wasn’t alone in his misery- about half of the group had some old injury or another that was reacting poorly to the constantly cold and damp environment. Wind was kneading at one of his legs with a grimace and copious wincing. Twilight kept rolling his shoulders. Even Time was moving gingerly, and he was going out of his way not to twist his ribcage. Hyrule was hunched over, and was noticeably a bit pale.

Not Wild, somehow. Only the Goddess know why. He certainly never seems to notice that half of his body is made of scar tissue, unlike the rest of them. Could keep running around in this blizzard for days without a second thought, probably.

And speak of Ganon and he shall appear, Wild tumbled right into camp, shaking snow off his shoulders and head. The fire hissed where some fell in, and Legend resisted the urge to hiss as well at the threat to the warmth.

“No towns to be seen, but there was a mountain I could climb for a better vantage point,” Wild was saying, rapidly pressing buttons on the slate and showing Time an image. Time frowned down at it.

“How long would you say it would take you to get there?”

Wild hummed. “Maybe half a day? A little more? Give me the full day to go all the way up and back down just to be safe, but I could probably make it back before the night’s over.”

Oh Goddess. More than one day stuck in this hellhole. 

Din, Farore, and Nayru, just take him now.

Legend sunk so deep in his misery that he completely missed Wild leaving again- but not the great flameblade he left behind being flicked to life by a very startled Sky.

The warmth was far superior to the flickering, faltering fire they’d made of wet wood, and before he knew it, the flameblade was set securely in the middle of the cave they were occupying, and he and Time were competing for the position of ‘who’s sitting closest to the fire weapon without actually being caught on fire’.

“When he comes back,” Legend told Time seriously, “I’m not leaving this sword.”

Time arched an eyebrow at him. “You might find yourself challenged for the right to carry it,” he said evenly.

“By who, you?” Legend needled, inching even closer to the blade. He could finally move his fingers fully without pain- he wants this blade. He wants one, he needs it, he will never use it in combat but purely to stop himself from feeling as old as Impa all the time. 

“By everyone,” Warriors said, dropping down next to the warmth. “Wild better know where he can get more of these, because I want one.”

“Shouldn’t be too hard to make,” Four mumbled, “Basic-” he yawned, completely unaware of the complete and utter mistake he just made in speaking as everyone’s head snapped around to stare at him. “Basic sword enchantment- it’s all in the runes and the channels…”

Warriors’ hand dropped heavily on Four’s shoulder- Four stared blankly at his arm, until a slow, dawning horror started to creep across his face.

“Four, my friend…” Warriors started, eyes glittering.

Legend poked his head around Warrior’s back. “I’ll give you free reign to poke around the items in my house that aren’t heavily cursed or too dangerous to handle for half a day if you make me one first,” he interrupted.

“Sold,” Four said instantly, pointing at Legend.

“Wait, what-”

“Oh that’s just unfair!”

“Hey, I want to poke around Legend’s house too!”

“You don’t need to, the offer’s for Four only!”

“So what can  _ I _ do to be allowed to?”

“You can’t because it’s  _ not being offered again! _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what the earliest age you can develop arthritis is but if anyone would get it young it would probably be legend honestly  
> six adventures can't be easy on the body, no matter how you look at it


	3. Delirium (Time)

“Hey- hey, so- my wife. Did I ever tell you about my wife?”

“Yeah, just about non-stop since this morning-”

_"Legend, sssSSSSHHh!!!”_

“I love my wife,” Time hummed, a massive grin on his face- not that you could see it that well, since half his face was buried in the fur of Twilight’s hood, as the old man slowly sort of melted all over his sole, somewhat panicked support.

“Malon’s very nice,” Twilight agreed, voice strained, trying to avoid being smacked in the face by Time’s shoulder armor while also not letting the other man end up on the ground. Time’s head snapped up, somehow still terrifyingly intent even with the fever-flush on his face and unfocused eye.

“You know Malon?!” Time gasped. Warriors finally took pity on Twilight and ducked in to support Time’s other side. Time didn’t seem to notice. “She’s my wife, I love her so much. Have you heard her sing? Her voice is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I love her.”

“Maybe we should make camp here,” Sky suggested, watching Time with open concern. “He’s still- out of it, obviously, but at least he’s staying mostly on topic now?”

“You mean refusing to change the topic,” Legend said dryly.

“I mean, it could be worse? It could be a lot worse.” Hyrule winced as Warriors narrowly avoided getting smacked in the face by an erratic, enthusiastic arm gesture, sending all three Links into a tangled stagger that almost ended up trampling the two smallest of the group- Four and Wind narrowly managing to dive out of the way. “At least he’s happy? And getting his attention is pretty easy?”

“I’m pretty sure mentioning Malon would catch his attention just as easily when he’s _not_ mildly poisoned, too.”

“... You’re not wrong.”

Wild slid back into the group. “If we want to set up camp early, this is a good place for it,” he said. “No sign of any towns or roads, but there’s a river back over that way and plenty of game around.”

Time’s bobbing head almost resulted in a headbutt for Twilight’s face, barely avoided. As it lolled back again, the back of his head almost got Warriors in the nose.

“Hey, Twilight!” Hyrule called, “Should we set up camp?”

The look on Twilight’s face was that of a desperate man.

_“Please.”_

___________ 

In the hours since camp was made and dinner started up, the old man had gone from extolling his wife’s virtues (of which, according to him, there were many, though he kept getting distracted and repeating the same ones) to singing some of what he claimed were her songs.

In all fairness to him, Time actually had a good singing voice. The songs themselves were more than a bit jumbled- Time kept switching from singing to humming and jumping verses and changing what song he was singing, constantly being distracted and sidetracking, but the songs themselves had a good sound to them.

The songs were _also_ accompanied by missing Malon. A lot.

“Who wants to bet this is what he actually thinks about all the time, he just never says anything?”

“That’s a sucker’s bet and we all know it.”

In between repeating how much he loved Malon and what he loved about her (absolutely everything), Time would swing back to rambling how much he missed her.

It was actually sweet, really. They had a good idea of how soft Time could actually be from their visit on the farm, but here was some good, solid confirmation- when it came to his wife, Time was absolutely _squishy._

At one point, he became convinced his wedding ring was missing and insisted on trying to get up and search for it- completely unable to understand that he was wearing it at that very moment. Wind ended up saving the day by sneaking it directly off his hand and pretending to find it on the ground, and, flabbergasting everyone, got swept up in a massive, unsteady hug as Time showered him with thanks.

Warriors soon had to rescue him when it became evident that Time had forgotten that he was holding on to Wind entirely, completely distracted by telling Twilight- for the third time that night- about his and Malon’s rings.

As the night went on, the poison thankfully seemed to loosen his grip- meaning that Time gained the ability to focus a bit more, and not get quite so stuck going in circles.

He was still, however, fixated on Malon.

“Are you worried about her?” Sky asked, right as everyone started to pull out their bedrolls. “Leaving Malon behind to come with us?”

“Don’t need to worry about her. She can- she can lift a _cow._ I think. I didn’t see her do it. But she can lift _me._ I was there for it so I know. She’s so strong. I love her.” Time sighed into the night, Sky visibly _aww_ ing in response. “Her dad’s keeping her company, she can keep him safe too. Not Inigo. She can fight Inigo. She’s good at punching, she can take him.”

“Can’t shoot for shit, though,” he added, so abruptly frank that half the Links almost gave themselves whiplash turning around to stare at him. Then he sighed, melting down the boulder he’d been propped against once more. “I miss her…”

Sky awkwardly patted him on the shoulder. Time didn’t seem to notice, too busy staring sadly at his ring.

______________________________ 

“I wasn’t poisoned _that badly._ ”

“Time, you spent half an hour absolutely _frantic_ last night, because you thought you’d lost your wedding ring. It was on your hand the whole time.”

“I did _not._ ”

“You actually _did._ ”

“Maybe we should try and pay another visit to Lon Lon Ranch soon. Don’t want the old man to pine away now, do we?”

“Don’t tease him, I thought it was all rather sweet!”

“... Thought _what_ was sweet?”

“Oh, we got treated to the full-day special of the Hero of Time telling us _all about_ how perfect his wife is, how beautiful, how capable, how strong… So, when you found out that she can lift you, was the armor on or off? Either way, that’s still pretty impressive.”

“... Ah.”

“Hey, what do you know, the old man can get flustered after all!”

“How kind of you, Warriors, to volunteer for watch tonight.”

“ _Worth it._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition to let time be just as ridiculous as the other links 2019
> 
> malon is strong and capable and I will not be convinced otherwise. time loves his strong wife. 
> 
> (listen I know there was that drawing on LU where malon was using a bow but... consider... malon having absolutely terrible aim. malon can draw a bow back, yes, and she can shoot the thing without hurting herself, but where is she aiming?? nobody knows not even her. time tries to see if he can help her figure out the aim problem but fails to take into account the fact that he has recently been reduced down to one eye and isn't used to dealing with that yet.  
> time narrowly manages to end the day without losing his sole working eye. malon decides if anyone tries to start something she'll just hit them with a pitchfork and throw buckets at them if she needs range. time supports this plan.)


	4. Stab Wound (Hyrule)

“I hate this,” Hyrule gasped, barely audible over the sound of Twilight’s pulse pounding in his ears and the screeching whoops of the bokoblins behind them.

“What, running for your life?” Twilight huffed out, leaping over a deep split in the ground- tossing out a quick _sorry_ at the noise that punched its way out of Hyrule’s lungs at the impact- arrows clattering against the rock behind him acting as encouragement not to slow his pace.

“No- I mean, yeah, but no, _getting stabbed,”_ Hyrule griped. A bokoblin from Wind’s Hyrule shrieked behind them as it lunged- Twilight felt its blade whistle through the air behind him, just barely a narrow miss.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been stabbed,” Twilight mused, taking a chance and turned sharply left, towards the sound of more combat- hopefully, where one of the others might be. “Most of the monsters I faced went more for blunt-force-trauma. Or biting. _Hated_ the biters.”

“You lucky sonova-”

“DUCK!” 

Twilight obeyed the bellow instantly, Hyrule squawking as he was dumped off Twilight’s shoulders, and as they hit the ground fire _roared._

Deafening, blinding, all-encompassing _heat._ Twilight scrunched his eyes shut and tried to flatten himself further over Hyrule, feeling the heat chew into his back through his tunic. Faintly, through the din, he could hear the bokoblins screeching- no doubt being carried by their own momentum directly into the flames.

It felt like forever, yet no time at all, for it to end.

Twilight sat up on his heels, and came face-to-face with Warriors, Legend’s fire rod bouncing against his shoulder, and Wild, peeking around his side.

Both of them were singed around the edges and bleeding slightly, but they were both upright and weren’t holding themselves like they were secretly dying, so Twilight would take that as the victory it was.

“What’d you do to get them after you?” Wild asked, jerking his chin towards the ashes that was once a horde of very angry bokoblins. He kept his bow in his off-hand, an arrow with an elegant, swirling red head on it in the other.

“Fell right down a cliff into their camp,” Twilight sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Why were _you_ fighting?” And exactly _what_ had they been fighting, anyway, because up until a few seconds ago Twilight had thought they’d had most the monsters in the region on their tails.

Wild hummed noncommittally. “Things happened.”

“... What _things.”_

“Lots of things.”

“Wild.”

“Lots of loud, explody things?”

“Time’s going to kill all of us oh goddesses-”

“ _Explosions that weren’t my fault thank you_ Time can’t be mad at us because it’s all the moblin’s faults for keeping explosive barrels around and then being dumb enough to throw-”

“Wait, whose moblins were these?” Hyrule asked, propped up on his elbows, struggling to shove himself up higher and looking around. Twilight reached down to wordlessly offer himself as a support, which Hyrule took him up on.

“Mine and Wind’s together,” Wild said. “Which actually made things worse, I think?”

“It _absolutely_ made things worse,” Warriors said flatly. Twilight _did not want to know_ but also he had to. There was so much charred vegetation in this area and not all of it could have been inflicted by the fire rod, no matter how ridiculously overpowered it may be. _So what happened here._

Thankfully, he did not have to bring himself to ask, because Wild took initiative and launched himself into an explanation to a visibly impatient (albeit weakened and on the pale side) Hyrule.

“So you know how my moblins always just have these explosive kegs just like, lying around all the time? And how Wind’s always carry around those lanterns they throw around as soon as they see you-”

“They-?”

“Threw the lantern _right_ into a stack of explosives and-” Wild’s arms flailed. “ _Boom._ ”

“I’m honestly kind of mad I didn’t get to see it? Because the amount of times we’ve had to deal with them on their own-”

“It kind of _was_ poetic justice,” Warriors admitted, a little smile tugging reluctantly at the corner of his mouth. Into his pouch the fire rod went. “It just would have been a lot better half the forest didn’t get brought down on our heads at the same time. Now-” he cocked an eyebrow at Hyrule, crouching down to poke at the damp spot on his tunic and accompanying hasty wad of bandages. “What happened to you, anyway?”

“Got stabbed,” Hyrule said grumpily. Then- “ _Ow,_ hey!”

Warriors snorted. “Get stabbed, deal with the consequences. Did you take a potion yet?”

“Didn’t have time. Aren’t we running low, anyway?”

“We’re not that bad off and even if we were, stab wounds are _exactly_ the sort of thing one would be used for. And look at that- enemies gone, no longer running for you life, you now have time. Take one.”

“You’re not very sympathetic,” Twilight observed, Hyrule starting to mumble to himself as he went digging through his bag for potions.

“I save my sympathy for people who _aren’t_ able to complain about not getting to see moblins reap the consequences of their actions while bleeding on the dirt. Getting stabbed isn't that big of a deal-”

“Uh, yes? It is?”

Hyrule’s head snapped up with a gasp. “Oh wait- Warriors, Twilight said he’s never been stabbed before!”

Warriors whipped around to stare at Twilight, mouth agape. _“... How?!”_

Twilight threw his hands up into the air. “I don’t know! How are _apparently_ all the rest of you getting stabbed all the time!”

"It just? Happens?! How do you _not_ \- no, hang on, _Wild._ Wild, you've gotten mangled in almost every possible way, _tell_ this man that getting stabbed is common-"

"Uh, Warriors, if it's _Wild_ saying it-" Twilight was rapidly hushed into submission. Okay then.

Wild looked thoughtful. “I don’t think I really get stabbed that much? I mostly just get whacked around with clubs and stuff. And get frozen or set on fire or electrocuted. And blown up. Actually, I get blown up a lot. We don’t really have many quality weapons lying around in my Hyrule, but we’ve got plenty of explosives.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Wild, don’t take this the wrong way,” Warriors said slowly, “but I thank Hylia every day that I don’t live in your Hyrule.”

“I don’t know, it sounds a lot better than mine,” Hyrule said. “Way more peaceful for sure. Your lynels and hinoxes can be a pain, but most of your monsters are pretty easy to deal with, too.”

“Hyrule- I’m not trying to be rude, but you live in a monster-infested wasteland.”

“Yeah? So?”

“So have you considered… just maybe… that your idea of what a peaceful place is might be just a _tad_ skewed?”

“Hey, rude, my Hyrule can be plenty peaceful!”

“Wild, your Hyrule wants _everything dead_.”

“That’s just the lynels, and as long as you stay out of their territory they won’t bother you anyway-”

“ _Assassins and monsters on the road and freak lightning storms-”_

“Aaaand there they go again,” Hyrule sighed, empty potion bottle held loosely in hand. Little drops of red glittered in the jar, color starting to go back to his face. Still, he stayed leaned against Twilight, choosing to still use him for support.

“Took them longer than I expected, really,” Twilight said, arching a brow at the bickering pair- Wild loudly listing his Hyrule’s virtues, Warriors desperately listing the dangers and being met only with flippancy in the face of such things. Refreshingly normal, really. 

Hyrule hummed, slumping more against Twilight. For a moment they simply rested there, watching Warriors fail to get Wild to understand how terrifying his Hyrule was.

Then- “Okay, but Wild’s Hyrule isn’t even _that bad_ , I don’t understand why everyone always says that it is?”

“ _Thank_ you-”

“Hyrule, _no-”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder that Hyrule's... uh, Hyrule is like... a mess. a very dangerous mess. like, boy, you live like this?
> 
> (as the headcanons go- who has experience with being stabbed and who doesn't is kind of random for some but not for others; twi's game has a lot of enemies that use clubs or other blunt-force weapons, with the exceptions being I think just one of those ice enemies, darknuts with shed armor, and the zelda fight. most of wild's enemies don't stab, even with bladed weapons, but slash instead. hyrule has canonically been stabbed by his shadow, and thus, the boy gets stabbed again. warriors was just because I decided it would make sense- I haven't played his game, so he's a bit hard for me to write.  
> for the interested, legend is also a hero that's used to being stabbed- the reason being that the sprite designs in ALTTP make the little soldier guys look like they're charging around with their weapons pointing straight forwards. very stabby looking.)


	5. Dislocation (Twilight)

“Look, it’ll take two seconds, just let me-”

“Do NOT-”

“Twi, if you just shove that joint back in place so help me-”

A tap on the shoulder almost had Hyrule scrabbling for his sword before his body caught up to his brain. Wild kindly said nothing about his aborted movements as he hopped up next to Hyrule’s perch on a tree toppled in the fight. 

“20 rupees on Twi getting fed up and relocating his shoulder before Sky or Warriors can stop him,” Wild whispered, swinging his feet over the trunk's side. The cut on his chin had a tight row of stitches marching up it, and the little scratches all over his face and neck had started to scab over. None of this affected the cheery grin he tossed Hyrule’s way.

“30 on Warriors kicking his knees out from under him before he can try,” Hyrule countered, just as quietly. Probably not necessary- the three-person comedy act was still squabbling with increasing volume as Twilight continued to evade Sky and Warrior’s attempts to close in and corner him- but Warriors was starting to get a very dangerous glint in his eye that Hyrule absolutely never wanted to be directed at him ever.

All that glint managed to do for Twilight, however, was to get his back up.

“I’ve done this a hundred times! This isn’t even remotely as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be!”

“The fact that you can even _use your arms_ becomes more astonishing by the day!”

“It’s not like it’s _broken,_ I don’t even-”

Sky dropped out of the verbal back and forth to cast one fleeting, desperate, longing look over to the tree stump where Time had been cornered by a Legend weilding a needle- a terrifying event under any circumstances- his armor in a heap nearby, Four poking through the lot with Wind hovering over his shoulder.

Whatever he was looking for over there, he wasn’t going to get it. Time would back them up, but Time was currently occupied with a nasty blow to the head and the aftermath of getting dogpiled by entirely too many of Wild’s lizalfos at once. Legend was a wildcard that could end up on either side of the debate, but he wasn’t about to stop menacing his chosen victim until he decided he was done.

Wind had already verbally voiced confusion at all the fuss, because apparently he was an old hand at fixing up dislocated joints. Sky had visibly despaired so hard that Four had hastily swooped in to remove the sailor from the argument entirely. Four wasn't going to be drawn into anything other than his current self-appointed task of poking at the rents in Time's armor- the lizalfos did one hell of a number on the thick plate- because he actually had self-preservation skills.

As for Hyrule and Wild-

“Twi’s really not wrong, though,” Wild said, still keeping his voice low. “This would have been over with already if they’d just let him get it over with and take a potion.”

Hyrule hummed. “I think this might be one of those knight school things?” he offered, sounding doubtful even to his own ears. “Maybe they were taught something different? I’m still not really sure what they’re actually wanting from him at all.” After all, what was Twi supposed to do, just leave his shoulder dislocated?

Was there even more than one way to pop joints back in place? Hyrule always just used healing magic when he had it to spare- he’d never actually tried any other way. 

Wild tapped a finger thoughtfully against his cheekbone. “Maybe they just don’t want _him_ to do it?” he offered back. “That’s what it sounds like to me, anyway.”

The sound of a scuffle cut the conversation short, drawing both of their attention.

Twilight, apparently having reached the end of his rope, ducked Warrior’s swipe at his good arm, reached up, and-

Hyrule made a face at the audible _pop_ of a joint being forcibly relocated, sympathy pangs shooting through both his arms. Wild hummed, tilting his head.

Twilight was slightly pale, but unrepentant, still standing steadily on both feet. His shoulder was no longer hanging at a sickening angle, though his arm was still dangling limply from his shoulder. His jaw was set, stubborn, and challenging.

Warriors threw his hands up in the air and spun away on his heel, projecting exasperation with his entire body, and beelined for one of the discarded potion and bandage bags.

Sky’s body slumped in a defeated sigh.

Wild silently held out a hand. Hyrule groaned, and started digging for his rupee pouch.

He really hadn't wagered on Twilight having less patience than Warriors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the flu rip me  
> I haven't edited or really gone over this at all, I'll probably do that later when I don't feel like I got run over by a truck. there might be typos. I don't know, I can't focus, I just needed a distraction and here we are.
> 
> (headcanon that sky and warriors are the only two links with any kind of actual medical training thanks to their upbringing. the others have all picked up things over their adventures, but they're mostly just tricks to help stretch out potions or last until they can get to safety like a fairy fountain or a town to heal up. wild technically did learn some in the past but most of his pre-adventure life after he found the sword was all about combat, and he hasn't remembered any of his training days, so he falls back on herbal medicines and brewing his own potions.)


	6. Broken Tooth (Legend)

“Just- Goddesses. How? How did you manage this?”

“We can’t all be on good terms with the Royal Guard, can we?” Legend snapped back- or, well, probably tried to snap. It was a bit hard to translate the mildly garbled, muffled sounds he was making around Warrior’s fingers, which were currently occupied by prodding around in Legend’s mouth.

Wind marveled at the fact that Legend hasn’t tried to bite off one of those fingers yet. He was also very intrigued by this new method of treating a broken tooth- when he had broke one of his against a platform in one of Niko’s challenges, he’d been hauled straight to the ship’s medic, the tooth had been yanked and he was in a corner with a rag shoved in the bleeding gap making a solemn oath to _absolutely never let Tetra know_ what had happened together with Niko in under five minutes.

This ordeal was on ten and counting.

“A _pommel to the face_ isn’t ‘not on good terms’, that’s a _grudge,”_ Warriors growled right back, finally withdrawing his fingers and starting to dig through his bag. “Is this like Wild’s Yiga or something? Is there a secret group of guards that want to kill you here?”

“They want to _arrest me,_ not kill me,” Legend corrected, crossing his arms, but staying put. Blood was trickling down his chin from his split lip, cracked back open, but he didn’t seem to notice. Or he just didn’t care? It was hard to tell with Legend sometimes.

“You say that like it makes it any better. It’s not making things any better.”

“It _does,_ because it means _they’re not trying to kill me.”_

“Except it _doesn’t,_ because Four said Time had to _pull the guy off of you.”_

Fascinating. Wind was never going to get over how these two showed each other that they cared. It was almost like they had managed to make a new language that consisted entirely of arguing in order to communicate.

“I would have had it handled!”

“You didn’t,” Time interrupted, shoving his way through the edge of the clearing into camp and oh, he was wearing _that_ look. Wind scooted back some, trying very hard to project how completely casual the movement was so as not to draw his attention. Maybe he could climb a tree? His hookshot would get him up a tree, right?

The Goddesses had mercy on him, because the target of Time’s ire wasn’t Wind this time. Legend recoiled slightly as _The Look_ landed on him, then set his jaw- he visibly and immediately regretted it, his knuckles going white for a moment- and met Time look for look.

He lost that bravado in a split second when Time held up a weathered roll of parchment, lifting a single eyebrow in silent accusation. 

“You-” _“Don’t.”_

Oh. This was _interesting._

Time was opening his mouth again, undaunted. Legend hissed at him.

Wind wanted to know what that parchment was. Wind wanted to know _right now._ Wind was edging in closer, even though the back of his brain was telling him that what he was doing was the equivalent of sneaking up on a sleeping moblin just to poke it with a sword.

Warriors, frozen up to the elbow in his bag still, was looking at each participant of the current stand-off. “What? What is it?”

“Vital information,” Time said, still making unblinking eye contact with Legend. “About something that would have been very nice to know before we all split up to resupply this morning.”

“It was a _misunderstanding,”_ Legend hissed, making a valiant swipe at the parchment. Time, not missing a beat, tossed it to his other hand and away, then back again when Legend made to dive at that one.

“A misunderstanding or not, it’s still a danger we should have been told about-”

“It’s normally _not_ a danger! I’ve been to this town a hundred times, they’ve never caught me before-”

“Caught?” Warriors demanded, eyebrows as high as they could go. “Time, what’s happening? Are the guards here hostile? Should we be moving camp?”

“Consider the guards possible enemies. It took far more force than I expected to pull that guard off and keep him occupied while Legend was escaping.”

“... No black blood, right?”

Legend stiffened. “The black blood is a monster thing, not a Hylian thing.”

“How do we know it _can’t_ be a Hylian thing too?”

“We don’t,” Time said, pinning Legend in placed once more with The Look. “Which is why it’s _important_ for us to know _all possible dangers_ of any of the known towns we go through.”

That was all it took for Legend to break, apparently. 

“Okay, yes, fine! There’s a bounty out for my head, I’ve fought the guards here before on it, it’s been years! I didn’t think they’d recognize me! Is that enough for you?!” 

“You’re a _criminal? ”_ Warriors’s head snapped around to stare at Legend so fast Wind felt a ghost of whiplash twinge in his own neck, “What- is that a poster? Do you have a _wanted poster? ”_

“What did you _do?”_ Wind asked, apparently _way_ too quiet in his approach because Warriors and Legend both jumped out of their skin and Wind had to duck an empty potion bottle chucked at his skull. Oops. Time gave him The Look. Double oops.

“Where did you _come_ from?!” Legend demanded, hand on the string of that necklace he always was keeping tucked under his tunic. Warriors blinked rapidly, hands still tensed and locked in the follow-through from his throw. “I thought you went with-”

“I’ve been here the whole time!” Wow, okay, they were _never allowed to say he wasn’t stealthy ever again._ Wind was going to lord this over them _forever._ “So what did you do? Robbery? Arson? Murder?” Wind tried to reach up and grab the parchment. Not changing expression in the slightest, Time held his arm straight up in the air, completely out of reach, which. _Rude._

“What- _no!_ ” Legend sputtered. His mouth was still kinda leaking blood. Should Wind say something about that? It’s been like fifteen minutes, shouldn’t this be fixed by now? “What kind of person do you think I am?! I didn’t do _anything!”_

“You have a _wanted poster!_ ”

_“It’s outdated!”_

“Outdated still means that crimes happened at one point!”

“Oh, for the Goddesses’- it was all a misunderstanding! I didn’t actually commit any crimes!”

“That’s no fun! Come on, you have to have done something!”

“Aw, I can’t read it,” Warriors muttered, looking over Time’s shoulder- when had he unrolled the parchment?! Wind scrambled over, trying to go on his toes to see.

“You don’t need to read it!”

“How else will we know what kind of criminal is traveling with us?” 

_“I’m not a criminal!”_

“Well,” Time sighed, “what’s done is done. At least we know now.” Wind finally got a solid grip on Time’s armor and hauled himself upright, peeking over his shoulder.

Huh. That poster was actually pretty good. Which was a problem, because that was absolutely Legend’s face right there. Maybe drawn when he was a little younger, but looking at them side-by-side? You could tell that he was the same person, no problem.

“It seems we’re all going to have to have a _talk_ about what necessary information entails,” Time added in The Tone that usually went with The Look, and Wind felt his blood freeze with the close exposure to it.

That’s not even fair! Wind’s not even the one in trouble here! And he won’t _be_ in trouble, because unlike _some people,_ there’s nowhere in The Great Sea that he’s not welcome!

… Unless? Maybe the bomb shop guy on Windfall- he _did_ kinda leave him tied up after Tetra-

 _Tetra!_ Yes, that was right, it was all Tetra’s fault, and not his! That was completely correct. Wind was absolutely fine. Wind was so fine, he was unable to shove down a nervous laugh as he slid slowly down and away from Time’s armor, only to be pinned in place with The Look, augmented with The Eyebrow.

Oh Gods. Make it go away. 

And lo and behold, his prayers were answered, and a savior came forth with a crackle of branches: Sky, pushing his way into camp, looking over his shoulder with a worried frown.

“Time? There’s this huge fuss in town, they’re saying a man with your description interfered with an arrest and punched a guard in the face, but- wait, why is Legend bleeding? What happened?!”

There was a pause.

Legend started radiating the threat of physical pain.

Because Warriors was incapable of feeling fear and consequences meant nothing to him, he looked Time right in the eye. “So about that necessary information.”

Time blinked slowly, and said nothing.

 _“Two criminals,”_ Wind whispered, absolutely not quietly enough.

 _“Wind-! ”_

“Wait. Did you _actually_ punch-”

“I feel like we should maybe be leaving this town. Anyone else feel this? Anyone?” Warriors asked the air. He was ignored completely.

“Is Time going to get a wanted poster too?”

“There was an attack in a place thought to be safe. I handled the situation as I saw best.”

“Your best was punching him in the face? What, trading a broken tooth for a broken nose? Surprised you didn’t pull a sword on the guy.”

“Wait, that’s it? The way they’re saying it in town, you’d think you tried to murder the man-”

“That’s just what the guards here do, okay, they take _everything_ and just go crazy with it, I think it’s probably left-over mind magic or something-”

“... When did mind magic come into this? Did the guards get brainwashed into trying to kill you or something?”

 _“Arrest,_ and actually, yes?”

“Legend, _what-”_

“You know, it’s been like twenty minutes, shouldn’t someone fix Legend’s tooth already?”

“Oh-”

“Oops-”

“You _forgot?!”_ Ooh. Sky did appalled disappointment _very_ well. 

“We got distracted!” 

_“He’s still bleeding!”_

“Wanted posters are distracting!”

“More distracting than someone bleeding?!”

“I mean. Yes?”

“...”

Ah. Looks like it’s time to make a hasty retreat. Time was already nowhere to be seen, clearly Wind should take inspiration from his elders and-

Legend’s hand clamped down on Wind’s shoulder before he could take two steps. 

_“Don’t you dare leave me with them,”_ Legend hissed.

Wind considered his options.

“If I help you out of here, can I borrow one of your items?”

Legend’s eyes narrowed.

“For one day! Just one day, no longer!”

“.. One day, none of the cursed items, and if it’s a magic one, only until you run out of magic power.”

“Deal! Hey, if I help you fix the tooth, can I borrow two?”

_“No.”_

“Awww.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* even if hylians can't get black blood... what if... some of yuga's lingering paint soldiers were around and could... shhh just go with it
> 
> anyway legend's protests aside, he's totally a wanted criminal in alttp and his crimes are breaking and entering into a castle and kidnapping royalty. also resisting arrest I guess? possibly assault too since you're always fighting those guards in-game. sure maybe that all got undone at the end of alttp but eh. who's to say they're even in legend's current time in this town visit...


	7. Broken Nose (Wind)

“I can do it myself!” Wind protested, ducking behind a tree for shelter and flailing to ward off Warrior’s reaching hands, completely heedless of the blood continuing to drip from his nose down his tunic.

“Do _not,”_ Warriors ordered, as though that was going to do a single thing to stop him. He tried to reach around the other side of the tree, only to be repelled with even more strident flailing.

“Please don’t,” Sky said weakly, feeling slightly useless as he hovered on the sidelines holding a red potion. The ‘please’ did not appear to soften Wind in the slightest. Not that Sky even dreamed it would.

“I’m not a little kid! I’ve done this so many times I could do it in my _sleep!”_

 _“That’s not a good thing!”_ Warriors tried to fake Wind out by reaching with one hand while the other tried to circle around the trunk. A useless effort: Wind caught on and hopped out of reach way before he was in grabbing range. 

Wind made a noise unsettlingly reminiscent of a furious remlit as Warriors finally gave in and circled the tree. Sky hastily skipped back a step out of pure, instinctual self-preservation.

Also much like a remlit, Wind had proven himself fully willing and capable of biting when pressed on several occasions.

Sky does not want to be bitten today.

...Should he back up more?

 _“Wait-”_ Warriors cut off with a yelp, a blur of blue and blond ducking under his wild grab, and Sky barely had time to blink before the choice was taken out of his hands and about 80 pounds of small, solid muscle was slamming directly into his stomach.

Maybe the heroic thing would have been to grab Wind before he took off again. Fighting instincts and all that. Instead, Sky toppled over with a wheeze, the wind knocked out of him twice-over when his back hit the ground with all the force of a fed-up teenager landing on his chest, and blinked dazedly at the sky as he tried to remember how breathing worked again.

This meant he had a prime view of Wind using his thumbs to shove his nose back into place, snatching the red potion out of Sky's hand from where he had _somehow_ not dropped it, and downing it in a single gulp all in about three seconds.

Hylia. Healer Oriole would _weep._

And then there was no more teenager on his chest, because Wind shot to his feet and hopped over Sky to get out of range of Warriors again. Finally, blissful _air._ There was no dignity present as Sky gasped and sputtered on that first sweet, sweet inhale. How was someone so small so _heavy?_

 _“Why._ Why does this _keep happening.”_

“It _wouldn’t_ keep happening if you didn’t keep fussing!” Wind shot back as Sky lifted his head. Ah. It seemed there was another stand-off happening. Sky was going to stay right here and completely out of that, thank you. Why was it so easy to forget how _scrappy_ Wind was, again?

“Of course I’m fussing, _you broke your nose._ Did it even heal right? What are you going to do if it healed wrong, huh?”

“Just break it again? And do it right next time?” Wind managed to pack in so much judgement that for about half a second, Sky _almost_ thought he was stating an obvious fact of the universe. And then his brain caught up with his ears, and why. Why does he even bother being surprised, at this point?

 _“Just break-_ You break your own nose?!”

“If I didn’t, how would it get fixed?”

“Go to a _healer,_ you tiny bokoblin-”

“Don’t have those on the Great Sea!”

“You _liar,_ there was one on that island you brought us to last time-”

“That’s on the _island,_ not in the middle of the sea, or in a dungeon, which is where I’m breaking my nose in the first place-”

“How do you keep breaking your nose enough times you have practice at this? No, seriously, how?!”

“Because things keep _breaking it!”_

“That’s not an answer!”

“It _is-”_

Sky let his head fall back down to the grass with a groan of despair that he felt deep in his soul as Wind and Warriors fell into full-on bickering, rapidly escalating in volume.

Wind is no longer currently bleeding, his nose is fixed, and no one else appears to have anything broken. Sky’s ribs are still aching slightly and the grass is weirdly comfortable. Additionally, he doesn’t want to get involved in the mess over there that’s dissolving into wild pantomiming and Wind almost whacking Warriors in the face as he finally gets caught in a headlock.

Yes, he thinks, this is an excellent time for a nap. Eyes closed, nestle into the grass, enjoy the sunlight...

And let the sound of Wind squeaking indignantly like a remlit kit being groomed as Warriors finally gets his hands on his face fade into background noise, not without a little satisfaction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wind is a feral little gremlin. that is all.
> 
> and now I vanish once again, until the writing gods favor me once more with the actual ability to write instead of just thinking about it wistfully.

**Author's Note:**

> listen,, if my sleep-deprived brain sees an injury prompt, decides to only take the loosest of inspiration from it, and uses the word itself as a springboard to make ~1,000 or so words of something that can barely be considered following the prompt at all- well, who am I to stop it from doing as it wills?
> 
> EDIT: switched names to far simpler versions, honestly not sure why I didn't just do this from the start


End file.
